Thursday, December 23, 2010

Perbezaan Unta dan Birthday Bitch. Kau Mampoo?

Amboi. Dah lama tak wish birthday kat orang dengan cara membuat entry khas kan? Hiks. Sebenarnya kau tak ada duit nak beli hadiah mahal kan kan kan so shut up. Dengan entry pun cukuplah katanya. Kan? Ohkay, here we go.

She is my besties since kitorang kat matrik dulu. She is salah sorang antara an ultimate greatest bestest bestfriends yang aku pernah dapat seumur hidup aku. I do love her very much. I rather risk my life katanya segalanya hanya untuk dia. She is gorgeous. No, bukan “gorgeous sikit je dari unta” kinda gorgeous. She is super duper gorgeous, bitches.

 

This is her. Her name is Rien.

And this is unta. Lain kan? (Maybe i should try keyword “gajah” kat google tadi. Barulah sama. okbai)

 

Tapi sayang. Tyra Banks terlepas pandang. Tyra lebih pandang pada Isis King. So Rien udah terlepas title the first transvestite ever yang masuk America’s Next Top Model. Screw you Isis!

 

Isis King as a man. Sebelum zaman ANTM.

Selepas memondan. Okbai.

 

Okay stop melalut boleh tak? Kanina sangat membebel entah apa-apa.

Okay, last year malam birthday dia aku buat prank call. Konon nak maki dia sebab kononnya (berapa banyak konon ni?) dia nak punahkan friendship aku dengan sorang kawan yang lain which is Fifi. Fifi ni kitorang gelar Kuda. Jangan tanya kenapa. But prank itiew kurang menjadi since taktik tu dah basi. Dia pernah gunakan dulu untuk kenakan aku. Shit.

So kali ni aku buat entry jah.

To Rien.

Mek tak mahu buat cliche wish di sini. Tapi ucapan apa lagi yang kau layak dapat kan? Selain "SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI JADI YANG KE 22 YA NOK YA SEMOGA PANJANG UMUR DAN DIMURAHKAN REZEKI DAN MENJADI GAY YANG TABAH DAN PERBANYAKKAN AMAL IBADOH DI MASA HADAPAN SEBAB UOL DAH KERTU TU OKAY RUMAH KATA NYAH KAU DARI SINI KUBUR KATA MEH SINI MEH SINI" kan? Eh?! Bye.

Eh lupa. Nah kek uols. Habiskan! You don’t need a plate. Just your face, HAH!

Breast Wishes on your birthday, BIRTHDAY BITCH!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Elvis Kong Suicide Note (Alviss Kong Parody)

Tonight 12.00 am. You will knew whether it's true or prank.

Hope everyone will take care of their beloved one. Do not let them slip (nipple slip) away from you before it’s too late, sundels!

Count Down For 45 mins. What should i do in this 45 mins? It’s a Final Countdown (Europe, 1986).

Okay maybe i should write a suicide note or something. Okay Here we go.

“Dear dust bin. This is the way how I love, perhaps people will think it was crazy. I've never tried to put down my Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (coming soon to cinemas, 2011) my Dignity (Hilary Duff, 2007) my ego-ness (wait, does this word even exist?) on my first ex. But you were totally diff (refer to diff), I put down my pride my dignity my every shit (ok this is disgusting. go watch 2 Girls 1 Cup or something) just to beg you.

But i failed (boo). As always I’m just a failure in a relation (major loser, i know right?) but that's just me. This is me… Then (Jennifer Lopez, 2001) I'll only do the things which i think its worth. Will i became your memory Forever (Mariah Carey, 1996)? Who knows since you were already special when the first sight i saw you. Love at First Sight uols. (Kylie Minogue, 2002). Perhaps, you'll just fucking laugh at me... I bet there's plenty of people will laugh too =) but who cares? I CARE, BITCHES! WHO ARE YOU WANT TO LAUGH AT ME? YOU SONOFABITCH. Okay. I digress. That's just me... That's the way i are. (this is grammatically wrong right? right wrong? wrong right?)

The last thing. I do appreciate everything about us. You were the light in my life (Louise, 1995). You given me determination of x and y value for my future. But everything is gone (‘N Sync, 2001)... I don't blame you actually. Well you can put the Blame On Me (Akon, 2007) because 爱情是自由的 ~ So just wish you'll have a happy life in the future.

ILY & IMY ~ Sorry that I couldn't brings you to walk (but sure you can handle those wheelchair on your own kan?) until the end of the day.
希望你会记得在你的生命中...曾几何时有个一个那么爱你的人出现过 <3

P/S : Please do not blame her. Akon told ya to blame it on me. I’m the one who decided this. She's just the one given me the motivation and courage to die. To my FAMILY, puhease.. I beg of you all, don't ever blame on her. Listen to those Akon’s song. I’m begging you. To her future BF(bitch friends) : IF YOU DID ANYTHINGS THAT WOULD HURT HER.. I WILL FUCK YOU  FUCKIING SWEAR I'LL FUCK YOU FUCKING HAUNT YOU DOWN EVEN I’M JUST SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT (Nirvana, 1992)!

 

First time i take a pic when i were crying.. Looks sucks... I know my face is very similar to Lady Gaga. Shut the fuck up. Anyway that’s the last pic of mine b4 i gg =)

 

The pic when you were sleeping today. That's fucking ugly but I really loved you.”

 

Sorry To My Beloved Family ♥ Take Care

 

P/S: I feel sorry for his family. And Bin Luii. And the Proton Wira owner. CLICK THIS. I LOLed a LOT. So TRUE.

Okbai. Sorry, wa tak kesian langsung kat empty-headed Alviss. Mesti lepas terjun bangunan tu kepala dia pecah tapi kosong je dalam tengkorak kepala dia kan?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Review: “LOUD” by Rihanna

Setelah berkurun lamanya aku tidak membuat sebarang review album since Bionic by Christina Aguilera dulu, kini segmen Review kembali menemui anda. Album yang terpilih kali ini? Semestinya album LOUD Illuminati Bitch nan seekor ini. Rihanna!

This is her fifth studio album after Music of the Sun, A Girl Like Me, Good Girl Gone Bad and Rated R.

Tema album beliau kali ini berbeza dengan dua album kebelakangan ini. Kali ini genre beliau adalah heavy dance pop and club oriented. LADY GAGA FTW. So okay. Here we go. Track by track mengikut susunan lagu dalam album accordingly. Berserta dengan rating aku untuk setiap lagu. Semestinya.

 

1. S&M (8/10)

Katanya bakal menjadi 3rd single untuk album ni after Only Girl dan What’s My Name. Berentak uptempo, ada club banger potential. Haruslah uols tau S&M tu apa kan? Sadomasochism or Slave and Master sundels! Yes this whole song is about sex. Tak Illuminati la kalau tak BAD. “Feels so good being bad. There's no way I'm turning back. Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it. Sticks and stones may break my bones. But chains and whips excite me” Sundal? Checked.

family_guy_griffins02Contoh: Ibu dan bapa Stewie in their S&M relationship.

2. What’s My Name featuring Drake (9/10)

Second single. Score #1 on Billboard Hot 100 liao. Rihanna back to her root, bitch! Ska plus electronica. So damn addictive. Producer this shit is Stargate yang bertanggungjawab mencipta gemilang kepada lagu-lagu Rihanna, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, Beyonce, Katy Perry etc sampai tak cukup page. Again, this song pun about sex and love. Serulah namaku ketika di ranjang. Jalang? Checked. Oh ya dekat cover single lagu ini lah yang ada tattoo epic AKHIRAT PERGI MALAYSIA itu.

TEE HEE.

3. Cheers (Drink To That) (7/10)

Dia curik suara Avril Lavigne dalam lagu I’m With You and keep on repeating the sample this whole song. Nice one though. Agak merengit.

Melalak out loud. Sakit tau tak telinga aku dengar lagu Alice kau.

Baru aku sedar betapa sakitnya telinga dengar Avril menjerit macam hanj gil. But I like it. Lagu ni tak laju sangat. Sedap dilayan jika anda mahukan Rihanna macam dalam lagu Good Girl Gone Bad. Letop but not that LETOP.

4. Fading (9999999996473746536849789453/10)

OK THIS IS MY JAM! I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT. Sekali lagi mencurik suara dan rentak lagu lain. Mangsa kali ini? Enya punya lagu, One By One. Sedap nak mati okay. Lagu ni berentak etnik kreatif wtf haha. Bravo Polow Da Don yang produce lagu ini. FYI Polow juga produce lagu sejak zaman London Bridge and Glamorous by Fergie, Buttons by Pussycat Dolls, Not Myself Tonight and WooHoo by Christina Aguilera, lagu-lagu letop Usher, Ciara, Keri Hilson, just to name a few. And this song is BEYOND EPIC. Okay melampau. Tapi memang betul.

5. Only Girl (In The World) (9/10)

First single of the album yang letop terus ke #1 kat Billboard. Lagu ni uptempo berentak dance-pop dengan pengaruh Europop yang amat heavy. This is her sexier version of Please Don’t Stop The Music. Baru je release tapi dah nominated kategori Best Dance Recording untuk upcoming Grammy Award. Bravo Cristyle and Stargate! Ok sundalism checked since this song is about her want to having sex with gay guy. Oh stop! THIS IS BEYOND SUNDAL!

6. California King Bed (9/10)

Anda minat lagu Big Girls Don’t Cry, Irreplaceable, What Hurts The Most, Need You Now segala? Then you must fucking love this song. Resipi lagu ini sebijik macam lagu-lagu yang disenaraikan itu. TAPI ONE THING FOR SURE FOR SURE. SUARA RIHANNA SEBIJIK MACAM SUARA PRISCILLA RENEA OK! And hell jyeah lagu ni such a turn on for me. Romantic okay. Terus rasa nak kena? Apom? Kau memang lah jalang abadi noks okbai.

7. Man Down (6/10)

Antara lagu yang so-so dalam LOUD. Producer dia Shontelle the Impossible bitch. Lagu ini sangatlah Reggae so kalau nak dengar sila buat braids kat rambut sampai masam lepas tu pakai baju seluar ala-ala gypsy lepas tu pakai semua colour tiga line iaitu colour hijau daun, hitam legam dan merah mu bara semangat waja wira perdana v6 like a g6 like a g6. Okay. I digress.

8. Raining Men featuring Nicki Minaj (8/10)

“Eenie meenie miney mo.  Catch a bitch by her toe.” Lagu ni juga menarik tapi not that WOW kinda menarik. Ala-ala lagu rakyat tapi dengan sedikit flava of gangsta katanya. Chorus dia catchy lebih-lebih lagi bila mulut petah pantat ayam Nicki Minaj rapping. Oh so geram rasa nak cili jah mulut Nicki! Ada juga feeling reggae sekali lagi ya dalam lagu ini. Yes Rihanna nyanyi dengan slang Jamaican bitch.

9. Complicated (8/10)

Produced by Tricky Stewart. So kalau nak brief idea what’s this song like, dengar lagu Umbrella and Hard by Rihanna, Single Ladies by Beyonce, Me Against the Music by Britney and Madonna, One Time and Baby by Justin Bieber, Obsessed and Touch My Body by Mariah Carey. Tapi lagu ni midtempo jah. Ya lagu ni adik beradik lagu Russian Roulette dia dulu. “YOU CAN SEE MY HEAAAAAAARRRRTTTTTTT BEATIIIIIIIIIING”. Kali ini “WHY IS EVERYDAAAAAAY WITH YOU IS SO COMPLICAAAAAAAAAAATED”.

10. Skin (7/10)

Produced by Soundz yang juga adik beradik Tricky Stewart in term of song produced. Juga lagu midtempo. So lagu ini juga kedengaran seperti lagu Russian Roulette tapi dengan sedikit gangsta flava diiringi bunyik guitar kena goreng. Bukan goreng dalam kuali or something. You know what I mean lah kan. Koser lah buat-buat tak paham.

11. Love The Way You Lie Part2 featuring Eminem (10/10)

Sequel kepada lagu Love The Way You Lie ni dah pun keluar kat corong-corong radio seantero Malaya. Ini adalah lagu balasan (FEMAL PERSPECTIVE KATANYA) kepada lagu Eminem tersebut dengan Rihanna sebagai lead vocal. Rentak dia masih kekal cuma vocal Rihanna lagi mendayu dari part 1. And walaupun keliru sama ada ia adalah Rihanna atau Bieber, I EFFIN LOVE THIS SHIT, BITCHES! Mula-mula rasa choy tapi lama-lama rasa lazat.

 

So i guess that’s all folks! Am I done? Eurgh whatever. Rejoice! Tsssssst.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Hari Ulangtahun Kelahiran Yang Paling Menyedihkan

Hari ini genaplah 21 satu tahun aku hidup menyedut menghela nafas di atas muka bumi Tuhan ini. Ulangtahun hari kelahiran aku hari ini sangat hambar. Kerana?

1. Tiada siapa call and wish tengah malam tadi. Ok fine pukul 9pm aku dah masuk tidur sebenarnya.
2. Tiada siapa yang buat surprise party or whatever.
3. Tiada siapa yang ajak aku keluar dan belanja makan. Huh? Sedih!
4. Tiada siapa yang belikan kek.
5. Tiada siapa yang belikan cupcake. Eh ni sama je dengan point nombor 3.
6. Tiada siapa yang memberikan hadiah.

Pathetic tak? Harus. Alah tak hadap pun sebenarnya. Dah biasa.

And oh thanks to you guys yang wish dekat kedua-dua akaun Facebook aku dan juga Twitter aku. Appreciate it very muchos. Love ya. XOXO.

Nak hadiah ni. Boleh? Tak boleh sudah! Hanjeng!